“Hey, did you see this on the news? I thought this was nice. Over the weekend in Washington, DC, First Lady Michelle Obama was at a homeless shelter serving food to the homeless. Wasn’t that nice? Reaching out to the middle class. I thought that was fantastic.” — Jay Leno
“And former President George W. Bush says he’ll start a national speaking tour soon. You know, as soon as he learns how to speak.” — Jay Leno
“President Obama today came out against human cloning, but I think he might be a little hasty here because there should be exceptions. For example, let’s say Obama can find a nominee who has paid his taxes. Clone that guy.” — Jay Leno
“How about this satellite they just launched that will look for Earth-like planets in our galaxy that might contain life? They say they’re trying to answer the question, ‘Is there intelligent life on other planets, and if there is, will they loan us money?'” — Jay Leno
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