“People are pissed off. Did you hear this? This is not a joke. Melissa Etheridge says she will not pay taxes in California until they legalize gay marriage. Let’s see. A high-profile liberal who won’t pay taxes. Sounds like someone who wants to be in the Obama Cabinet!” –Bill Maher
“North Korea is planning to launch what they’re calling a rocket, but what the rest of the world calls a missile. And Hillary had to warn Kim Jong Il today, ‘do not fire your missile.’ Is it me, or is this a running theme in her life? –Bill Maher
“Looking back at his presidential run this week, John McCain said that he got a lot of votes because of Sarah Palin. And weirdly enough, that’s the same thing President Obama said.” –Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama said yesterday that he believes that Osama bin Laden is plotting new attacks against the United States. Obama came up with this theory when he picked up any newspaper from the last eight years.” –Jimmy Fallon
“President Obama said this week that things will get worse before they get better. That’s something you never hear before the election. ‘Let me tell you, if I’m elected it’s going to get a lot worse.'” –Jay Leno
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